He is really somebody-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。搞笑的英语小笑话：I Wasnt Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: Wake up, sir! I wasnt asleep, the man answered. Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed. I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car. 我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：先生，醒醒! 我没有睡着。那个男人回答。 没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀? 我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。 大胆的猜想A Wild GuessOur physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimedes principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery,he ran down the street yelling, Eureka, eureka! The professor asked if anyone knew what that meant.One student stood up and answered, Im naked! Im naked!大胆的猜想我们的物理教授千方白计地引导学生讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们，阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他进入池子，发现水涨高了，溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动，跑到街上高喊:Eureka, eureka!教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。一个学生站起来答道:我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!搞笑的英语小笑话：The poor husband You cant imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife, the man complained to his friend. She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可怜的丈夫 你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。 Whos More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 谁更有礼貌? 一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。 搞笑的英语小笑话：Let Dog in Hotel A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night? An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, Ive been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, Ive never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. Ive never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And Ive never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, youre welcome to stay here, too. 一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗? 旅馆主人立即回了封信，我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。 《律师、宝马和胳膊》一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!律师哀怨地说。你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!警察反驳说，你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.Officer, look what theyve done to my Beeeemer!!!, he whined.You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!! retorted the officer, Youre so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didnt even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!搞笑的英语小笑话：Intelligent son One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didnt write the address and addressees name on the envelope. After the son comes back, the father asks him: You have thrown the letter in the mail box? Certainly You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name? I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope. Then why you didnt take it back? I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who! 聪明的儿子 有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。 儿子回来后,父亲问他:你把信丢进邮筒了吗? 当然你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗? 我当然看见信封上什么也没写那你为什么不拿回来呢? 我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢! 外语的重要性A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. Shewatched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.Mother mouse barked fiercely, Woof, woof, woof! The cat was so terrified that it ran for its life.Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, Now, do you understand the value of a second language?一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。母老鼠向着猫叫道：汪，汪，汪，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。搞笑的英语小笑话：Put your feet in The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. Mary ! called the teacher sharply. Yes,Madam? questioned the pupil , Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in! 把脚放进去 一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。玛丽!老师严厉地叫她。什么事，老师?这女学生问。把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。