一、求一则简单的英语笑话，演讲用的

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the

shopkeeper, Does your dog bite?

The shopkeeper says, No, my dog does not bite.

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.

Ouch! He says, I thought you said your dog does not bite!

The shopkeeper replies, That is not my dog!

二、英语笑话，好笑的，短一点，简单一点的，不要是对话的形式

一：She Didnt Say Anything

A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.

The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。

“How do you know?” asked her father.

“She didnt say anything.”

二：I Have Turned It Over

A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! Its too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?”

The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I dont think its necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”

三、我要一个简短的英语笑话

Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman.

Like a gentleman? Dick asked. How do gentlemen do it?

They always give the bigger piece to the other person. answered his aunt at once.

Oh said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,Cut this cake in half, Catherine..

迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”

迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？”

他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”