A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece ot paper, Please wake me at 5am.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about ot go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed, it said, It is 5am, wake up!

Q: Why are mushrooms invited to parties?

A: Because they are such fun-gi

Q: What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard?

A: Curl Up and Dye.

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, I bet I know what it is. Some flowers. That's right the boy said, but how did you know? Oh, just a wild guess, she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets. That's right, but how did you know? asked the girl. Oh, just a wild guess, said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. Is it wine? she asked. No, the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. Is it champagne? she asked. No, the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, I give up, what is it? With great glee, the boy replied, It's a puppy!

One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son. Wake up now! It's time to go to school. I don't want to go to school, the son replied. His mother said, Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school. Okay. One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me. Not good enough, the mother replied. Fine, the son said. Then you give me two good reasons why I SHOULD go to school. One, you're 50 years old. Two, you're the principal of the school.

A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions. The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false. The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out. Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely. The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was going on. Well, I finished the exam in half an hour, said the student, but I thought I ought to recheck my answers.

I`ve Just Bitten My Tongue

Are we poisonous? the young snake asked his mother.

Yes,dear, she replied. Why do you ask?

Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!

我刚咬了自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗？”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。

“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”

“因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头！”