手里没有现成的，从网上筛选了两个，感觉不错。

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, What happened?

A kid bit me, replied Ivan.

Would you recognize him if you saw him again? asked his mother.

I'd know him any where, said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket.

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see a psychiatrist.

'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard. I

feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.'

'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own

reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you.'

'Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car

besides the beach and we were alone... and... he held my hand....'

'Did he hold your hand like this?'

'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now'

'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard. It means

he doesn't want to be separated from you.'

'Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...'

'Like this?'

'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.'

'It's not a Bastard.

It means he wanna stay forever by your side'

'Then he kissed me...'

'Like this?'

'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.'

'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard.

it means he adores you.'

'Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...'

'Like this?'

'Yes, Doctor... exactly like that'

'It's not behavior of a bastard. It means he wants to protect you.'

'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly... '

'Did you resist?'

'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...'

'Did he take off your clothes like this?'

'Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......'

'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he

wanna learn about your body completely.'

'Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me...'

.......................

'Did he do it just like what we do?'

'Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same'

'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.'

'But then he told me that he has AIDS'

All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,'

BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!'

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?

I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered.

You're a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?

She is the one who sells the candy.

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。望楼主采纳

I have heard one sad story of a hitchhiker who went into a shop and saw the sign Lift but found it too heavy, then saw the sign Pet Supplies so he did, this wasn't too bad but then he went outside and saw the sign Compact Cars and went to prison for ten years.