笑话 喷饭的那种

有一天他们在逛街的时候遇到了上帝！他们对上帝说，他们都死得很惨，希望让他们上天堂！上帝很无奈地说，现在天堂的住户太多，已经爆满。但现在还有一个名额！你们说吧，看谁死得最惨，就让谁上天堂！于是，第一个鬼开始说了……

我生前是一个清洁工。工作很辛苦的！从早忙到晚！有一天，我正在一栋大厦外面擦玻璃！是那种吊在外面的高空危险工作！在第30多楼！突然，我脚一滑，失足掉下去了！我想，完了！要死了！但求生本能让我在无意识地乱抓！很幸运地，我抓住了一个阳台的栏杆，在13楼。我想，有救了！于是想等缓过劲后爬上去！哪知，突然有人把我的手一揎，我又掉下去了！我想，这下我真的完了！但是，我命不该决，底下有一个帐篷接住了我，我庆幸前世肯定积了德！想等缓过劲就下去。谁知，上面掉下来一个冰箱，把我砸死了！

第二个鬼说… 我生前是一个文员。什么都还好，我有一个老婆，很漂亮。身材很棒！但就是有点不老实。我有轻微的心脏病。有一天上班忘了带药，我回家去拿。一进门，看见老婆头发散乱、衣衫不整。肯定有诡。于是我满屋找，厨房也找，厕所也找，都没找到。到了阳台，我发现有两只手扒在栏杆上，我想：哪儿跑！于是把他的手一揎。心想，13楼！看摔不死你！结果等我一看，居然没死！被帐篷接住了！我着急，于是满屋找，进了厨房，发现冰箱够大，于是把冰箱扔下去。终于把他砸死了！我当时太高兴了！大笑不止。谁知笑得心肌埂塞，笑死了！

第三个鬼说…… 我生前是个小混混，但我没做过什么坏事！有一天我到一个女性朋友家里晃！刚刚办完事，她老公突然回来了！我得找地方藏起来。于是厨房也找，厕所也找，最后发现他们家冰箱挺大的，于是我就躲进冰箱里去了！我就不明白，她老公怎么知道我在冰箱里，他居然把冰箱从13楼给扔下去了！我就这样连人带冰箱摔死了！

2分钟英语故事。快！急急急

n china, people believe that, at the beginning, the tiger and the cat were friends, and the cat was much smarter than the tiger .The cat learned the physical skills quickly, and the tiger was always behind. Gradually, the tiger had to learn from the cat, and the cat was patient to teach the tiger. Day after day, month after month, finally, the tiger could also run, jump, roll, grasp, tear, and strike as well as the cat.

在中国，人们相信在很久以前猫和老虎是好朋友，而且猫比老虎聪明的多。猫学习动作技巧很快，老虎却总是落后。渐渐的，老虎不得不向猫学习了，猫也很有耐心的教老虎。日复一日，月复一月，老虎终于也可以像猫一样，跑，跳，打滚，扑抓，撕咬，击打。

One summer afternoon, the cat was taking a nap as the tiger sitting nearby. Looking at the cat, the tiger suddenly thought, why should he keep befriending with such a small animal since he had already learnt all the skills from the cat? The evil tiger decided to kill the sleeping cat as a before dinner snack. The tiger stood up and approached the cat viciously. Just as this moment, the cat woke up. Opening up her eyes, the smart cat immediately realized what the tiger was trying to do and swiftly jumped onto a nearby tall tree and climbed to the top branch.

一个夏天的下午，猫在打盹，老虎在边上坐着。老虎看着猫，忽然想到，既然自己已经学会了猫的所有本领，为什么还要和这么小的动物一直做朋友呢？邪恶的老虎决定杀死熟睡中的猫，当作晚餐前的点心。老虎站起来，邪恶的一步步靠近猫。就在这时，猫醒来了。聪明的她睁开眼睛立刻意识到老虎要干什么，于是立刻灵活的跳到了附近的大树上，爬到树顶。

The tiger thought he had already learned every skill from the cat .But he never knew that the cat had hidden the tree climbing from him.

老虎以为他已经学到了猫的所有本领，但他不知道猫还藏了一手爬树的本事。

“I kept the last technique of the tree climbing from you just because I suspected you might be can ungrateful friend.” The cat loudly told the tiger who watched under the tree helplessly.

“我没有让你学这最后一个爬树的技巧，因为我怀疑你可能会是个不知感恩的朋友。”